The “if only” trap
The “If Only” Trap
How often do you fall into the “if only” trap? It’s a regular occurrence for me.
You probably know how it goes: “My life would be so much better if only . . . .? Here are some of the loops that play in our heads:
My life would be so much better if only
- I had more money
- I was more appreciated by ______
- I could change my job
- I could make that change in my house
- My partner would stop or start ________
Our hungry ego is always on the lookout for something we don’t have. It has a huge appetite for then next thing that will make it all better. The problem is, as soon as we get that all important thing, another “if only” rises up to fill the vacuum.
In our best moments we know that this “if only” mindset is a lie. It’s a hunger and storyline that are impossible to satisfy.
How do we get off this roller-coaster? It’s a waking up process:
- The 1st Awakening: We realize we have a victim mindset – we wake up to how we blame people or circumstance for our troubles. We become aware of our reactive way of living.
- Here we become conscious of the “if only” pattern
- The 2nd Awakening: We realize we are creators of our experience – We wake up to our gifts, desires, and dreams. We start to do and be more of what we love.
- Here things get easier. More fun and fulfillment comes into our lives, and the ego still believes something has to change in order for our lives to be better.
- The 3rd Awakening: I realize I am guided by my Higher Source, my God, in all things – I entrust myself and my life to this guidance.
- Here we know, in the deepest sense, we have all we need. It brings us to a deep sense of trust and peace that we’ll be provided for and directed so long as we are aligned with this Guidance.
Now, I can here you say, “This all sounds great, Scott, but . . . .” I know, this pathway is difficult. It is the work of a lifetime. It’s hard because when we are entranced and asleep none of these Awakenings is clear to us. And we are asleep a lot!
In our better moments, we ping-pong between the 1st and 2nd Awakenings like a ping-pong ball. It is through our spiritual practices (reading, prayer, meditation, conversations, nature walks) that we get tastes of this 3rd Awakening. And the more we practice with kindness and patience, the more we touch into this Spiritual knowing and trust.
So, the next time you fall into the “if only” trap, smile at yourself, and think of it as the next “earth school” lesson that is yours to enroll in as you make your way to the 3rd Awakening.