We can spend a lot of time in a spiritual direction session circling around surface conversations. Here’s a way to tap into a deeper connection with yourself and with your client.
As we move through our daily lives, we’re often having moments that seem out of sync in some way. There is a flash of incongruity that ripples through our system, and much of the time we let it ripple away.
This phenomenon is highlighted in a fun/ridiculous way by spiritual teacher Thomas Hubl. He uses the analogy of being in a meeting and a red cow flies over the table and through the wall. You notice the red cow, but nobody else is reacting so you let the experience go. There’s no such thing as a flying red cow!
This silly example points to the reality that we are getting information that we disregard all the time. This is especially true with our spiritual direction clients. We get hunches, annoyances, surprises, wonderings. Each of them can be a doorway into a deeper conversation. These flashes of incongruity can be powerful tools in spiritual direction.
Client, “Jerry”, was talking about work struggles and he made the comment “let them fire me” with a laugh. He then quickly moved on to talk about how he really did like his job. I was struct with a flash of incongruity, and I brought him back to that moment. A deep conversation began.
He talked about his fear that he was letting people down at work, and he had a growing sense that he might get fired. A few nights before these worries kept him awake and spinning in anxiety. This launched us into talking more about this fear, and how he might work with it rather than laugh it off.
These moments when we notice a red cow or a laughed-away comment can be doorways to a client’s underworld. They can invite us to invite the client to pull back the curtain on some deeper knowing. This happened with Jerry.
After dissecting his fear and talking about his work situation, Jerry came to a decision. He decided to take back his power and make an appointment with his manager. He decided to step into his fear and wonder with his boss how he might be a more effective leader.
The next time I met with Jerry, he reported the conversation with his manager went great. His bossed thanked him for wanting to grow as a leader, and he pointed out some things that he felt were going well for Jerry. Jerry left that meeting with a dramatically different feeling than the fear that was keeping him awake at night.
My following up on the flash of a curious incongruity led Jerry to an important, extended conversations with both me and his boss. These small moments in a session often become big deals for clients. So trust your gut and check out hunches. These momentary intuitions may be your wisest voice speaking to you and reminding you that it’s time to go deep!