In my years as a spiritual director and supervisor, here’s one of the most important things I’ve learned: So much of what makes for a good spiritual direction session comes down to following feelings rather than information.
One is a doorway. The other is a roundabout.
Feelings are the currents that come up in a session that have charge, energy, and power. This potency and poignancy can take many forms, from elation to despair, and everything in between. Feelings move us. They push and pull on us, daring us to follow them.
Information is more neutral. Sometimes information is essential - like details that give the feelings some context. Noteworthy events, who said what to whom, relationship dynamics, some reading that impacted them.
But only a fraction of the information that is possible in a conversation is actually important. In fact, information often is a distraction from the real work that awaits in a session.
Clients can get mired in explaining the minutiae of their situations and struggles. And we can get mired with them, following the rabbit-trails of this and that. Worse, sometimes we lead them down a rabbit-trail ourselves, asking questions about things that are interesting to us but lead nowhere.
Too often, there’s this great temptation to squander the precious time of a session on mere information. Too often we bounce conversational clutter around, rather than responding to the real push and pull that’s daring us to follow.
All this rabbit-trailing takes us off the main path: the path leading to the soul. And this path is paved with emotions.
So why do we get caught on informational roundabouts? Why is information so distracting and tempting?
In short, information is easier to control and manage. The surface is safe, predictable, comfortable, known territory. And staying there protects us from the depths, which are anything but.
The depths - real emotions - are scary, vulnerable, unknown. And, as we know, the depths are where everything of value lives. The path of the Soul is a doorway to the territory of charge, energy, and power. There’s no way around it - the only path is through.
How do we stick to this path of the soul in a session, and get back to it when we stray? We follow the feelings.
Miriam comes in and talks about how annoying her job is. She starts going into detail about how many hours she is working, how boring her routine is, and her boss’s unreasonable expectations of her.
This is an example of a time when a client and I could’ve stalled out in a roundabout of information, rehashing all the ins and outs. Instead, I helped steer us through the doorway of emotion:
I invite Miriam to sit for a moment and look beneath the feelings that are swirling for her - the annoyance, fatigue, and boredom. She starts to fidget. Her brow furrows. She starts to cry. “I hate leaving my baby at daycare. I feel like I’m abandoning her!”
This becomes a very different conversation between Miriam and me.
When charge, energy, and power arise, we go toward them. When there’s a push or pull, we say yes to the invitation. We inquire about a feeling. We notice the fidgets. We leave space for the soul to arise.
And, we have the courage to set aside whatever thread of information is tugging at our attention (the job), and we grab the line that leads into the depths (the swirling emotions). We forget about what’s simply nice or easy to talk about, and remember why we’re here. We honor the sacred context of a spiritual direction session, with the sacred human being across from us.
We’re here to help the Miriam’s that we meet do soul work, to open the boxes of guilt and fear and failure. The feelings lead there. And then we bless and honor them as they are on their journeys.