One of the ways that we play it safe in a spiritual direction session is by focusing conversation outside of the here and now.
A great way to deepen our perception within a session is to start noticing the time and space orientation of a particular conversation. This may sound a bit confusing, but here’s a diagram showing how simple it really is:
To illustrate, here are some examples I’ve seen with clients:
Joel apologizes for getting so emotional in our last session. Orientation: in the room, in the past.
Mary talks about her first job after graduating from college. Orientation: out of the room, in the past.
Maria is wondering about how things are going with the baby sitter while we are meeting. Orientation: out of the room, in the present.
Linda says she feels her stomach squirm as she talks about her sister. Orientation: in the room, in the present. This is here-and-now. As much as possible, this is where we want to be.
Of course, clients are going to talk about things that are of of the room, things that are in the past and future. That’s a natural part of reflecting on our lives.
But by inviting clients into the here-and-now of a session, we help guide their attention inward. We invite them to become present to what’s unfolding in the moment.
There is a vulnerability to this shift to here-and-now, and some clients will work hard to avoid it. It can feel safer to go into the head and reflect on things that are outside the room, in the past or future.
Here-and-now is often charged with potent emotions, sensations, and thoughts that clients want to deny.
So how do we move through a client’s defenses, into the laser-like focus on what’s unfolding in the moment? We ask them a question that’s provocative and open-ended. I myself like to ask what I call “what do you know about” questions:
Let’s look back at the example of client Joel, who’s in the room, but in the past, apologizing for his potent feelings in our last session…
I say, “Joel, as you sit here today, what do you know about why you felt so deeply about being denied that promotion?”
Joels says, “I felt so embarrassed that a younger person got it. I felt like a failure, that everyone was looking at me as a fraud.”
“And, what do know in your heart of hearts about why this promotion didn’t happen?”
“I know that she is better suited for that role, and I don’t know that I’d really like that work once I got into it. I forget so much that’s true about me when I worry about what others think.”
The movement to the here-and-now draws out the wiser knowing our clients’ hold in their hearts, minds, and bodies.
This knowing stays dormant when they’re in a different time and space. But the right question brings them into this moment, unlocking the gifts we can only find here and now.
This shift works the “muscle” of presence. And the more we can help clients make the shift to presence in a session, the easier it is for them to do so outside a session, the easier it is for them to live their life in the here-and-now.