Here’s what I’ve seen in working with hundreds of spiritual directors: we like the middle.
By middle I mean that comfortable, safe, familiar way of being that gets smiles and appreciation. By middle I mean the helpful tools and tricks that we have learned from our past training and experience. By middle I mean kind and good spiritual direction.
Here’s what I’ve seen in working with hundreds of clients: clients like the edge.
By the edge I mean real, risky, and intuitive. By the edge I mean dropping assumptions and seeking out the unknown. By the edge I mean telling the truth with care and courage. I have come to think of this edgy space as our "“sass” - see more in the video below.
Some years ago I was working with a client, Evan. In spite of all my efforts, we kept coming back to the same mantra about how he felt stuck at work and was tired of being alone. Boom! I got hit with a powerful dose of boredom. So I reached for my edge and said, “Evan, we keep coming back to this same place. Frankly, I feel a little bored and I suspect you do too. What’s beyond the horizon of your stuckness?” After he startled a bit, he started talking and our spiritual work together finally launched.
There are enough nice spiritual directors in the world, and, of course, it’s okay to be nice sometimes. But finding our edge is a lot more exciting. Why?
Clients usually read our edgy energy as investment in them
Clients often respond in kind, with their own edginess, when they experience ours
In other words, clients find their sass when we find ours.
A key with this edgier approach is that you trust yourself enough to know that if you go too far, if you get too sassy, you will be able to read it in your clients response. And there is an easy fix. You say, “I’m sorry”. You realign with your client. In the few instances where I’ve had to do this, the apology is accepted, we move on, and we are just fine.
A second key to this approach is that we take up less space on the edge. When we don’t take up so much space with our cautiousness, we open a lot more space for the Divine to enter and guide our explorations.
And, the truth is, session are much more fun and energizing when we enter this playful, intuitive, caring space of the energizing edge. So go for it! Be sassy. Find your edge. And you will find your clients are more eager to schedule that next session with you.