Here’s what I’ve seen in working with hundreds of spiritual directors. We like the middle. By the middle I mean:
That comfortable, safe, familiar way of being that gets smiles and appreciation
The helpful tools and tricks that we have learned from our past training and experience
Kind and good spiritual direction
Here’s what I’ve seen in working with hundreds of clients. Clients like the edge. By the edge I mean:
Real, risky, and intuitive
Dropping assumptions and seeking out the unknown
Telling the truth with care and courage.
Some years ago I was working with a client, Evan. In spite of all my efforts, we kept coming back to the same mantra about how he felt stuck at work and was tired of being alone. Boom! I got hit with a powerful dose of boredom.
So I reached for my edge and said, “Evan, we keep coming back to this same place. Frankly, I feel a little bored and I suspect you do too. What’s beyond the horizon of your stuckness?” After he startled a bit, he started talking and our spiritual work together finally launched.
I have come to think of this edgy space as our "“sass.” There are enough nice spiritual directors in the world, and, of course, it’s good to be nice. But finding our edge, our sass, is a lot more exciting. Why?
Clients usually read our edgy energy as investment in them
Clients often respond in kind, with their own edginess, when they experience ours
In other words, clients find their sass when we find ours.
A key with this edgier approach is that you trust yourself enough to know that if you go too far, if you get too sassy, you will be able to read it in your clients response. And there is an easy fix. You say, “I’m sorry”. You realign with your client. In the few instances where I’ve had to do this, it’s not a big deal. The apology is accepted, we move on, and we are just fine.
A second key to this approach is that we take up less space on the edge. When we don’t take up so much space with our cautiousness, we open a lot more space for the Divine to enter and guide our explorations.
And, the truth is, session are much more fun and energizing when we enter this playful, intuitive, caring space of the energizing edge. Sessions become more spiritual. So go for it! Be sassy. Find your edge. And you will find your clients are more eager to schedule that next session with you.
We’ll talk more about the power of edginess in your work, in my upcoming webinar on the 4 Phases of a Spiritual Direction Practice. I’m so excited to be offering this through Spiritual Directors International!
July 10th, 12-2pm CDT, online
And if you can’t make it, you can still sign up and get the recording
And here’s a video exploring how to infuse your client sessions with more of your “secret sass”: