Most spiritual directors I know would love to have more clients.
Feeling like we have a lack of clients can be discouraging, and that can quickly slide into a sense of, “I’m not good enough!“ This frustration with “client lack” and subsequent self-criticism has driven more people out of spiritual direction than any other factor.
I’m not here to say that finding clients is easy. It isn’t. I am here to say that one way we can help ourselves find new clients is by letting go of a common misconception that gets in the way.
The big mindset mistake is viewing clients as buyers and ourselves as sellers.
As spiritual directors and seekers, this mindset isn’t how we want to operate. But since we’re entrepreneurs living in an commercial culture, this misconception can easily seep into how we see the business of doing spiritual direction.
Instinctively we know that thinking in this transactional this way turns spiritual direction into a commodity that we are selling, and our souls know this feels off. Our hearts know that it feels yucky! So, what to do?
The problem with this sales orientation is that it infuses anxiety into our efforts at finding clients. Anxiety gets us out of alignment with our deep values. We develop a sense that we are intruding on others, and become cautious and apologetic about being spiritual directors. And that’s not how we want to feel, about such sacred work - work that so many people really do want and need.
So, what’s the antidote to viewing clients as buyers?
We view them as humans like us, longing for spiritual connection.
We view them to be people who could use companioning and connection to help them with their life challenges.
And we view ourselves as capable of reaching out from our hearts to be that companion.
And here’s the paradoxical kicker: We don’t need to “sign them up” for spiritual direction. We just need to give them the experience of spiritual direction.
When we encounter someone new, we simply respond to their desire to talk about - or we even strike up a conversation about - the real life issues that matter most to that person. This is just doing what we do best: having uncommonly deep conversations with people. We hear where they are stuck and to help them surface what they really want.
That’s the work we love, and if we stay close to that, it doesn’t really matter what else happens. We get chances to do this all the time.
I myself have been surprised at how often I get to do some sacred work, just while talking with someone at the grocery store! It can be anyone, anywhere. And every once in a while, that person signals that they’d like to keep talking. Or they say, “well, I didn’t expect to have a conversation like this today!” Then I get to tell them, “well, these are the kinds of conversations I have with people every day as a spiritual director.”
From here, if they’re interested, I offer a free 30 minute conversation, where we essentially jump right into a spiritual direction session. I offer the question, “what struggles do you think spiritual growth might help you with?” I DON’T need to talk about how I do spiritual direction or what are the components of my practice, though, if they ask about it after we’ve talked for 20 or 25 minutes, I’ll happily share details.
In these scenarios, I’m giving them an experience of spiritual direction, trying to be of service rather than trying to sell my service.
So what if you didn't care whether someone became your client? What if the point was to see people not as potential clients, but simply as people. Some people are indeed potential clients, but the only way they’ll know that is if you start by just being of service them as a fellow person. You infuse what they might otherwise expect to be a mundane conversation with life, with possibility.
Unlike, selling, this feels really good. Unlike selling, this is the work we love.